Since I was 14, I was dreaming about travelling. At 18, I wanted to see the whole world. From the age of 23 all my energy was directed to escape from here.
In fact, when I found out I was going back to Belgrade after 15 years of living abroad, I didn’t know wheteher should I be happy or sad.
Technically, I had never lived in Serbia. The country I left was called FRY or Serbia & Montenegro, I don’t remember anymore… Before that, it was called Yugoslavia. Dear, sweet country of my childhood and youth. Went into flames, burnt to ashes, never forgotten.
Too many names for such a small country. Too many wars for 20th century. Too many events for one short life, mine. Too many memories, most of them bad, as I like putting it.
I was happy to see friends, family, places I like… Friends, fewer than ever, family estranged, places I like mostly gone.
I was unhappy because I was afraid I would be disappointed. Lucky guess.
I changed, people changed, city changed, country changed. The world changed. 15 years is a long time.
There are good and bad things about any place in the world. I, as a globetrotter, can justify it. You might like or dislike certain things, you can adjust or leave. But only your own country stays forever in your heart, follows your everywhere, and only your country can bring tears into your eyes. Tears of joy and tears of sorrow.
So, am I happy here or not? Some truths are better left unsaid.